


Positive

by AvengersCompound (emilyevanston)



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Incredible Hulk (2008)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Heavy Angst, Minor Injuries, Miscarriage, Pregnancy, Smut, The Comfort takes a long time to get to though, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vaginal Sex, and may be a let down
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-10-14 11:37:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17507867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyevanston/pseuds/AvengersCompound
Summary: After a bad reaction to antibiotics makes you sicker than you should be, Bruce asks you to take a pregnancy test to set his mind at east.When it comes back Positive you have to then weight the pros and cons of having a child when the pregnancy is so high risk.  It doesn’t help that while Bruce would rather you terminate, Hulk is adamant you don’t.





	1. Chapter 1

The wound in your shoulder looked bad.  It was a few weeks since you had been shot in the field and you stood in the bathroom in just your underwear looking it over.  The stitches had started dissolving so it was closed but you kept having to pick pieces of thread from it.  It was also red and inflamed looking.  Probably due to an infection under the skin.  You poked at it and hissed at the sting.

Bruce stepped into the room.  “How’s it look?”   He asked coming up behind you.  He touched the exit wound and you flinched.

“I think it’s infected.”  You answered.

He kissed your shoulder just beside scarring.  “My poor, brave, agent.”  He teased.  “You remembering to take your antibiotics?”

You turned to face him.  You liked when he was in a playful mood.  He had a cute smile and you really liked seeing it.  Plus you liked when he was feeling safe enough to get handsy.  “Yeah, I’m taking it.”   You said, hooking your fingers into his belt loops.  That was the truth.  The only problem was that they upset your stomach badly and made you throw up pretty much constantly.  You had started to wonder if they were actually staying in your system long enough to be effective.

He let himself get pulled closer to you.  “You should go see one of the doctors today, get something stronger.”  He said as his hands ran up your sides and encircled your waist.

“Whatever you say, doc,”  You teased.

“Can’t have my agent girlfriend having to take unnecessary time off.”  He said, kissing your throat.

You hummed and started to unbuckle his belt.  “I would have thought you’d like it if I had to stay home for longer.”

“Not if I have to play your nurse.  You are not fun when you’re sick.”  He countered unhooking your bra.  You tossed it aside and he leaned down and pulled one of your nipples into his mouth.

You moaned and pushed his pants down.  When his cock sprang free he ground it against you.  It strained against your panties and you moaned softly, longing for more.  Bruce pushed your panties down and lifted you onto the vanity.  You wrapped your legs around him and carded your fingers through his hair.  He made a little purring noise in response and with a snap of his hips, he sunk his cock deep inside of you.

You moaned and wrapped yourself tightly around him, burying your face in his neck.  “God, I love you so much.”  He sighed as he started to rut into you.

You pulled back and looked into his eyes, warm and brown and all him.  “I love you too.”  You whispered.

He smiled and leaned in, capturing your lips and kissing you hungrily.  The passion of your kiss was matched by the thrust of his hips.  Each coming quickly and penetrating deeply.  You moaned against his lips as your tongues swirled together.  He nipped at your lips and started moving faster and faster against you.

The world became hazy.  Sweat beaded on your skin and you tore his shirt off and pushed it down his back.  Your fingers dug into his skin as you found yourself getting closer and closer to your release.

“Oh, god.  Bruce.”  You panted.

His thumb came to your clit and he rubbed it erratically as he continued to fuck you.  Your hips bucked hard against him and you came, your head falling back and crying out loudly.   He kept rutting into you and as the last shudders of your orgasm passed his released, filling you in waves.

He slipped from within you and you hopped off the counter.  “Good morning to you too.”  You teased.

“It is a good morning,” He agreed.  “Though you just tore all the buttons off my shirt.”

“Well you’re always doing it,” You teased.  “Thought it was my turn.” You pushed his ruined shirt off and threw it in the hamper.  “Since we’re both naked how about we take a bath together?”

You had met Bruce Banner a few years ago.  You were a new agent recruited by the Avengers and despite the fact you actually rarely spent any time with him and technically the rare occasions he was in the field with you it wasn’t him for most of it, you’d hit it off.  Bruce seemed to have a thing for fighters and you guess you must have a thing for lab geeks because even though you barely understood anything he talked about you could listen to him talk about science all day.

It had been a slow burn.  It took him a while to trust himself with you.  The whole Hulk factor and all.  You had had to put away any idea of ever having children, he’d been adamant that he couldn’t be a father, biologically or otherwise.  He was worth it though.  The lives you had built together was good.  Happy.  You weren’t married and maybe that wasn’t on the table for both of you, but you lived together.  You both knew you were safe with the Hulk, but more importantly, you were in love.  You wanted to share a life together.

After your bath together you went about your say.  Bruce disappearing into the lab while you went to see the doctor as you promised.  They gave you a shot with a stronger antibiotic and over the next week or so it seemed to work with some side effects.

It was itchy a lot.  You couldn’t stop scratching at it as it healed and any time Bruce caught you doing it he’d slap your hand away.  It seemed to create a general ache in your whole chest, not just the wound.  Your breasts too.  The nausea never went away, even after you’d stop taking the pills.  You’d wake up feeling nauseous, and it persisted into the early afternoon.  Often accompanied by vomiting.  Plus generally, you were more tired lately.  In the afternoon you would often come down and just nap on the couch.

It was two weeks later when you woke from a nap on the couch to Bruce coming home.  “Still?”  He asked coming over to you.

You lifted your head and when he sat down you put your head in his lap.  “Yeah.  This should have passed by now right?  The wound is hardly even noticeable anymore.”

He pulled the neck of your shirt down and looked at the bullet wound.  “Yeah.  I think it looks fine.”

“Then why am I still so sick?”  You asked.

Bruce sat quietly stroking his fingers through your hair.  “I know logically all these are normal antibiotic side effects but you don’t think that you could be pregnant do you?”

You smiled up at him and touched the end of his nose.  “You always worry that it’s that.  It’s never that.”

“Yeah, I know.  I just… you know… passing this on.”  He stammered.

“Yeah, I do.”  You answered.  “I’ve been taking the pill same time every day.  It’s never impossible I guess.”

“Isn’t there a thing, about antibiotics and the pill?”  He asked pulling out his phone out and starting to click around.  He furrowed his brow.  “Okay… it says only certain ones, except that… you’ve been sick right?”

You chuckled.  “Weren’t you just worried that the being sick was because I was pregnant?”

“Maybe one caused the other?”  He suggested.

“Bruce, you’re going to worry about this all night aren’t you?”  You asked.

He nodded his head but looked slightly ashamed with himself.

“Go up to the medbay and see if you can get a pregnancy test.  Pretty sure they have them.  I’ll take it when you get back down.”  You said sitting up.

“I’m sorry, honey.  I wish I could relax about this kind of thing.”  Bruce said.

“I know you do.  It’s okay.”  You assured him, kissing his cheek.

He got up and headed back out of the apartment.  While you waited you flicked absentmindedly through tv stations.  He returned after fifteen minutes and you got up right away and took the test off him.  “Okay, back in a minute.”

You took the test in the bathroom, peeing on the stick and putting the cap back on.  After washing your hands you came back out holding the stick.

“What does it say?”  He asked.

“Haven’t looked yet.  Says it takes five minutes.”  You answered taking a seat next to him.

He took the test out of your hand and stared down at it.  “That’s the tester line right?”   He asked.

The two of you had been through this numerous times.  It was always negative.  The one dark pink line would show up right away and then you’d sit waiting for five minutes and nothing else would happen.  He would then keep it around for another half an hour checking it just to be sure.

You looked over his shoulder to where he was pointing.  “Yeah, that’s the tester line.”

“Is - Is …”  He stuttered and his hand started shaking a little.  “This isn’t… is this a line?”

You took the test off him and held it in front of you.  You’re heart stopped.  Right beside the dark pink line telling you the test had worked was a much fainter line that was very gradually getting darker.  “Bruce…”  You said and dropped the test, turning to him and taking his hands.  This was everything he had been worried about.  His fear of passing on his genes and cursing someone else with their own Hulk.  The fear of the Hulk coming out and hurting a child.  His child.  Or worse that he had not been able to shake off his own abusive childhood and was doomed to relive it as the abuser this time.  You hadn’t meant for this to happen.  You had been taking your birth control but unlike Bruce, part of you did want to be a parent.  The thought of aborting even with the valid concerns Bruce had made your stomach churn.  You didn’t know what to do but you knew the first thing was calming Bruce down because otherwise, it would all be moot.  It wouldn’t be Bruce you were dealing with.  “Bruce, we can deal with this.”

“You’re pregnant,”  Bruce said shaking his head.  “You’re pregnant… I can’t… I can’t…”

He got up and started pacing, you could see green starting to creep up the side of his neck.  You jumped up and stepped in front of him taking his hand and trying to look into his eyes.  They darted around the room and he was breathing heavily.  “Bruce you had better fucking not.  You have to deal with this.”

His hand went to his chest.  “I don’t… I can’t…”

He doubled over and you jumped back as his body started to change, his shirt tearing as his muscles rippled and grew.  You didn’t want to cry, but it was too much.  It was one thing to be pregnant and know even though you might actually want this baby your partner was going to push for an abortion.  It was a whole other knowing you had to do this alone because he’d just left you.  The tears broke and you collapsed on the ground in front of the Hulk.

He looked around the room blinking and then moved quickly, crouching down and putting a large green hand on your back.  “What Banner do?”  He asked, you looked up at him, not even sure where to start.


	2. Chapter 2

“Hulk gonna be daddy?”  Hulk asked gently placing a finger on your stomach.  He had a look of pure joy on his face that had crossed it as soon as you had said the words ‘I’m pregnant’.  Somehow it made it worse.  The fact that the Hulk wanted this baby while Bruce was so against the idea he’d retreated into the Hulk.

Now you were going to have to tell the Big Guy that you didn’t think you could keep it.  Even though you there was a large part of you that wanted to, you knew Bruce’s concerns.  You thought some of his worries were more trauma based than reality-based.  He was scared of being like his dad.  He didn’t speak about it much, but you knew his father had been violent.  That he’d beaten Bruce even as a toddler and that he’d ended up killing Bruce’s mother.  There was no way that the Bruce Banner you knew could ever do that.  He was gentle and loving and never got jealous or mean.  The thought he could even remotely like that was absurd.

He worried about the Hulk too.  It was another unfounded concern you thought.  He was used to seeing the Hulk in situations where he was fighting for his life.  Where he was trying to save people.  The truth was he did like to fight.  He liked breaking things.  There was so much more to him than that. He was gentle and protective.  He loved puppies and bright primary colors.  He knew there was a time and a place for fighting and while he had his little temper tantrums, they only ever involved balling up his fists and sulking unless he was provoked into more.  The way he gently touched you now told you he would protect any child you had with his life.

The thing was any reason Bruce had not to want kids was valid really.  It wasn’t fair to force fatherhood on a man who had said so firmly he didn’t want to be a father.  It’s not like he’d forced you to have sex with him.  In fact, it had been you that had pursued him in the first place, reassuring him he had nothing to worry about.  That he wouldn’t ever be put in this situation. He could simply not want kids and that should be enough.

For the same reason, he couldn’t insist you terminate.  It was your body after all.  Your say.  If you wanted to have this baby then you could.  The Avengers benefits program was pretty extensive and you knew the others, they would all help you out. Between Tony and Thor alone you’d have two very excitable uncles who would always be there for a mini Bruce.

If it was just a case of him not wanting to be a dad and you wanting to be a mom, well that could be easily resolved with a breakup.  Not ideal, but not agreeing on children was a big issue.  It wasn’t just that though.  He had one big green extremely valid concern that could be passed down to his kids.  What did it mean to be pregnant with a Hulk?

The thought of a fetus Hulking out inside you was quite frankly terrifying.

This was going to be the hardest decision you were ever going to have to make and unless Bruce came back you were stuck doing it alone.

“I don’t know, Big Guy,” You said sadly, stroking a hand along the back of one of his large fingers.  “I don’t know what to do.”

“Hulk want to be dad.  Hulk good dad.  Protect baby.” Hulk said hitting himself on the chest.

You began to cry again and he curled a hand around your back and drew you into a hug.  “Don’t cry.  Hulk here.  Hulk protect tough girl too.”

You hugged him tightly, glad at least you weren’t totally alone.  You weren’t going to be able to have a proper conversation about it for a while but Hulk was at least good for hugs.

The door suddenly burst open and the Hulk pushed you aside and balled his hands into fists as he squared his shoulders.  Tony stood in the doorway in his Iron Suit hand held aloft, the repulsor glowing blue.  Natasha stood behind him on the left while Thor was on the right.

“Hey Big Guy, what’s going on?”  Tony asked.

Hulk bared his teeth, not liking that he was being threatened with no reason.

You stepped forward putting a hand on Hulk and holding the other up at Tony.  “Stand down.  Everything’s fine.

“FRIDAY said there was a code green,”  Tony said pressing the arc reactor that made his suit bleed away from his body and return to the casing.  “What happened?  Why’s the Big Guy here?”

“Not that we aren’t pleased to see you, friend,”  Thor said pushing past Tony and patting Hulk on the arm.

“We just… we got some news.  Bruce couldn’t handle it.”  You sighed.

“What kind of news?”  Tony asked.

Natasha’s eyes flicked around the room.  You knew she was trying to figure out what happened.  You moved subtly, trying not to draw too much attention to yourself.  You picked the pregnancy test up from the table and slipped it in your pocket.

“You’re pregnant?”  Natasha said.  It wasn’t so much a question as an accusation.

You groaned and flopped down on the couch.

“Hulk - dad,”  Hulk said proudly.

Tony moved into the room and sat down beside you, taking your hand in his.  The gesture, coming from someone who normally just tried to talk a problem out almost made you cry again.

“I thought you two were careful,”  Natasha said.

“Thank you for that thoughtful piece of commentary, Nat.” You snarked.

“I just meant… How?”  She asked coming in and sitting on the lounge chair.

“I don’t know.  The antibiotics were making me sick, maybe I was throwing up my pill?  It’s not perfect anyway.”  You said.

Tony put his free hand on top of the hand he was already holding.  “So … I’m taking it Big Green being here is because Bruce isn’t exactly for the idea.”

You barked out a laugh.  “I’d say that is pretty accurate.”

“What do you want to do, my lady?”  Thor asked.

You shook your head.  “I don’t know.  I need more information.”

“Worried about the fetus Hulking out?”  Tony asked.

“Among other things.”  You agreed, letting your head fall on his shoulder.

“We got your back, okay?”  Tony assured you.  “Whatever you need.  If you and Bruce can’t…”

“Don’t need Banner.  Have Hulk.”  Hulk rumbled.

“Alright, Big Guy.  You’re gonna be a great dad.”  Tony said, squeezing your hand.  Hulk huffed and nodded his head.  “Whatever you need,”  Tony added.

“I need my boyfriend to come back and deal with this is what I need.”  You snapped, the tears coming again.

The Hulk lumbered over to you putting his hand on your back.  “Banner coward.  Hulk here.”  He said gently.

“Thank you.”  You said.  “I’m really tired.  I think… I think I just want to go to bed.”

Hulk scooped you up in one large hand and you only really had the strength of conviction to laugh weakly.  “I can still walk, Big Guy.”

“Hulk take you to bed.”  He said firmly.

Tony stood up and patted your arm.  “I’ll get some experts in.  See if we can get the biology worries off the table.  I’ll come see you tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Tony.”  You said.

“Good luck,”  Natasha said with a frown as she followed Tony out.

“Everything will work out.  You’ll see.”  Thor said, closing the door behind him.  As the Hulk carried you to your room, you tried very hard to believe him.


	3. Chapter 3

For about two weeks Hulk stayed in control.  It made things difficult to deal with.  He was protective and sweet but he couldn’t really have a proper conversation about what you were going through right now.  He also ate a lot and had so much energy, having him in the apartment all the time was impossible.  Yet at the same time, he never wanted you to leave his sight.  Things were set up in the home you shared with Bruce so that if there was a situation where the Hulk stuck around for a period of time, he had his own room with a bed big enough for him.  The first night he was there with you though he’d stayed up, sitting in the corner of your room just dozing.

You’d taken to sleeping in the same bed as him after that, just to keep him calm.  He always slept with a large hand curled around you.  You had been worried at first, but it was quite comforting.

Tony had contacted some experts in genetics and obstetrics.  Not that anyone had to face this before.  It took him a couple of weeks to organize things because of the nature of the situation.

Hulk followed along with you to the first meeting Tony had set up in the compound and you felt sick with worry.  All you could think was that the news was going to be terrible and he’d end up in a rage and destroying the place.

Natasha and Tony met you at the door.

“Hey, Big Guy.  One of the doctors needs to take your blood so they can check it against the baby.  Is that okay?”  Natasha asked.

Hulk looked at you with his brow furrowed.  You touched his arm reassuringly.  “It’s for the baby,” You said.

Hulk grunted and followed after Natasha.  When they were in the other room Tony turned to you.  “The doctors have been warned.  If there’s something wrong they have a protocol to get Hulk out of the room.  Nat has volunteered to stay with you.  We don’t think it will work but she can try and do the lullaby to calm him at least.  Otherwise, it’s been set up to accommodate him.  The room is big, there’s somewhere for him to sit that’s near you and he can see the screens but he won’t be in the way.”

“Thanks, Tony.” You said relaxing a little.

“Hopefully Bruce comes back soon.  He can’t hide from it forever.” Tony said rubbing the small of your back.  “Come through and they can explain some things to you.

You followed Tony through into a room.  There was a medical exam chair, that reclined back with stirrups in either side sitting in the middle of to room.  To the left was a large bench that you assumed was for the Hulk to sit on.  There was an ultrasound machine sitting to the right and a large screen on the wall opposite.  Around the room was various other medical equipment.

A man and a woman were already standing in the room chatting and turned to smile at you when they entered.

“Hi,”  The man said offering you his hand.  “I’m Doctor Brian Sanders.  I’m one of the geneticists.  My expertise is in hereditary.  I have some studies on the effects of radiation down lineages.”

“And I’m Doctor Bronwyn Pattrick.  I’m the obstetrician.  Take a seat and we’ll go through how we all want to handle this while we’re alone.”  She said.

You sat down and the two doctors sat down on stools.  “So, the hard question first, do you know what you actually want to do here?  I understand that this was not planned and your partner was against having kids.”  Bronwyn said.

You rubbed your eye and shook your head.  “I don’t know.  I think I want to keep it.  I’m really worried about what it could mean.  The radiation, what it means if the Hulk thing is genetic?  The fact I have to do this alone.  But if things are okay, and he comes back and he’s okay with it… I want to be a parent with him.”  You answered.  You’d been trying very hard not to cry but by the end, a few stray tears had escaped.  Bronwyn handed you a box of tissues.

“Alright, so first things first then, we can’t do anything about Doctor Banner I’m afraid but we can see if there’s any similarity between the fetus’ cells and Doctor Banner’s.  If there are effects of the Gamma Radiation.  If they respond to stimuli the way his do.  That’s the first step.  When we have those answers we can figure out if we need to even be worrying or not.”  Brian said.

“And if we do need to worry?”  You asked.

“Then there will be some choices you need to make about whether you think it’s worth the risk or not.  We can certainly do some simulations but this is uncharted territory.”  Bronwyn explained.  “So for now, let’s try and figure out if there is anything to worry about.  Brian is going to take a blood sample.  We will need to do an amniocentesis but that can’t happen until 14 weeks.  That’s a long time to be pregnant for when you aren’t sure if you’re going to keep it, and I am sorry about that.  Hopefully, the blood tests can show us something in the meantime.  We can do them again at ten weeks see if any abnormalities show up and find out the gender.  I know this sounds awful but I’m hoping that if there are abnormalities they show up then.  It will save you a lot of heartache.  There are some risks involved with an amnio.  But in this case, I think it’s necessary if you decide to go forward.”

Brian moved up beside you with a tray of vials and needles and wrapped a rubber hose around your upper arm and started searching for a vein.  “Pump your fist for me.”

“How high risk?”  You asked, feeling overwhelmed.  Tony came up beside you and took your hand.  It helped but all you could think was that should be Bruce’s hand.  He should be here to help you deal with this too.

“It’s not as bad as it sounds. Point six percent increased chance of miscarriage.   There are chances of needle injury to the fetus.  Leaking of the amniotic sac, infection.  They are not very common and most are treatable things.”  Bronwyn explained.

You nodded your head and Tony gave your hand a squeeze.  Just as Brian was pulling the needle out of your arm Hulk lumbered in followed by Natasha.  He looked everyone over like he was making a judgment call on their character.  He huffed and moved over to the bench taking a seat.

Tony stood and rubbed your shoulder.  “Alright, we’ll leave you to it.  We won’t go too far.”  He said and he and Brian left the room.  Natasha went and sat down next to Hulk.

“Okay, I need you to take off your pants.  There’s a room there to change into a robe if you like.”  Bronwyn said.

You gave a nod and got up, heading to the small change room.  You had expected there to be those cheap hospital gowns, forgetting this wasn’t a hospital, it was the Avengers.  Hanging on the wall was a simple gown in black that covered all of you, and reached your knees.  You came back into the room where the medical equipment was and sat back down on the chair.

“Alright, we’re going to need to do an internal ultrasound just to see how far along you are and what they look like.  I doubt there will be anything showing up like that yet though.”  She explained as she raised up the chair and tilted it back.

You put your feet in the stirrups as she prepped the wand.  “This isn’t going to be the most comfortable thing, I’m sorry.”  She said, positioning herself so she could reach.  “Just relax and there’s going to be a small pinch.”

She inserted the probe inside you and began to move it around.  You scrunched up your face.  Not that it hurt exactly but it was far from comfortable.  Hulk put his hand on your side and you gently stroked his finger.  Having him there was oddly comforting.  Knowing that no matter what he would be excited and if something was wrong he’d be sad too helped you center your own emotions.

After some moving around and prodding with the probe Bronwyn finally stopped and held it in place.  She started to do measurements on the screen before turning to look at you.  “Can you see this little blob here?” She asked pointing to a part of the screen.  There was a vague white splodge against black with a black spot in the middle.

“Yeah… I think so.”  You said uncertainty.

“That is your baby.”  She said.  She pointed to the black spot in the middle of the blob.  “You see this flicker here.  That’s their heart beating.”

The tears came again and you weren’t sure if they were happy or sad.  Hulk leaned forward and peered at the screen.  “Baby?” He asked.

“Yeah.  That’s your baby.”  You said patting his hand.

“Hulk’s baby.”  He said with a broad grin.  His body lurched suddenly and he doubled over.  His muscles shifted and he let out a pained roar making Bronwyn jump back in shock.

When his body settled Bruce sat blinking in a pool of fabric.  He had a panicked look on his face and he looked around wildly.  “Where are we?  Are you okay?  Is it the baby?  Is something wrong?”

“Bruce?” You said completely breaking down.  You grabbed a handful of tissues and held them to your eyes like you were hiding in them.

He put his arms around your shoulders and pressed his lips to your shoulder.  “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, honey.  I’m here.  What’s happening?  How long was I gone?”

Bronwyn moved back in place readjusting the wand again and making you wince.  “Welcome back, Doctor Banner.  Everything is fine.  Do you want to see?”

He looked up at the screen and you could feel him trembling against you.  “That’s it?”  He asked, pointing to the screen.

“Yes, that’s it.  It’s about six weeks along.”  She said.

“And - and - and is it okay?  It’s healthy?  I didn’t… It doesn’t…?”  He stammered.

“Right now it looks fine.  Heartbeat is fine.  Developmentally it’s where we expect.  As for the other things, we can’t say this early.”  Bronwyn explained as she did a few more measurements.

“What … How… How are we doing this?”  Bruce asked.

“We’ll talk.”  You said.

Bronwyn removed the probe and began cleaning up.  She printed a picture of the ultrasound out and gave it to you.  “We’ll start running these tests and contact you as soon as we can.  We are on call though, so if you are worried about anything, please call.”  She said as she scribbled something down and lowering your chair down.  “Here is a list of vitamins you should be taking.  If you’re having nausea you can try ginger pills.  If they don’t help call me, I’ll write you a prescription for something stronger.”  She handed you a sheet of paper and a pile of pamphlets.   “Nice to meet you both.”  She added and left the room.

“I’m going to leave the two of you alone,”  Nat said and followed after her.

You got up of the chair and made your way to the change room followed by Bruce.  “I’m sorry.  Are you okay?  You’re keeping it?”

A numbness overtook you.  Bruce was back and now that he was there was too much to feel.  You were happy and sad and scared and so, so very angry.  It was too much to process so you felt nothing instead.  “You ran.”

“I didn’t mean too.”  He said hugging himself.  “I - I tried to keep control.  I just got so scared.  My heart…”  He said and shifted uncomfortably.

You pulled the robe off and his eyes flicked over your body before he dropped his gaze to the floor.  “I had to live with the Hulk for two weeks and he’s so excited and what if - what if I don’t keep it?  How do I tell him that?”

“You don’t want to keep it?”  Bruce asked.

You pulled your panties up and sagged against the wall.  “I don’t know.  Bruce.  I would love to have children with you.  But I needed you and you disappeared.  Then what if … what if it does end up that it has your… condition?  Then is my choice taken away?  He’ll hate me, Bruce.  Hulk will hate me.”

He didn’t raise his eyes and just hugged himself tighter adjusting the too large pants he had on.  “I’m - I’m so sorry.  I’m so sorry I did this to you.  I love you.  I do.  I just… I don’t know how to do this.  I don’t… I don’t know how to be a dad.  I don’t want to curse some child with this.  What if… What if the radiation makes you sick?  There’s so much.  But I love you and if you want to try… to have this baby…”  He sighed and shook his had.  “If I’m going to have children, it’s with you.”

You didn’t know how it was possible for you to have any more tears to cry, and yet they came again.  You sobbed slumped against the wall.  Bruce approached you tentatively and wrapped his arms around you.  You collapsed against him and let yourself cry against his chest.


	4. Chapter 4

“If - if - if say I didn’t have the Hulk in me.  It was just me.  And - and - and I was here.  I wasn’t going anywhere.  Would you want to have the baby?”

You rolled your eyes.  This conversation had been going in circles.  No one wanting to be the one to definitively say that having an abortion might be the only responsible choice here and no one wanting to admit that they really didn’t want to do that.

“What’s the point, Bruce?” You groaned.  The need to cry hadn’t left in the past four hours since he came back but you were now so dehydrated that nothing was coming out anymore.  You clutched the printout of the baby in your hand not quite willing to let it go.  “That’s not the world we live in.  We have issues we need to address.”

He sighed and slumped forward, burying his head in his hands.  “I just need to know.  I need to know if I was keeping you from being a parent.”

You looked down at the printout and let out a long breath.  “Yes.  If you wanted kids or could have them, or I was with someone else, yes.  I would want them.”

“Then why - why are you even with me?”  Bruce asked.  The pain in his voice was evident.  This struggle he had with being worthy of love was something he’d been dealing with before you even met him.  The pregnancy was just exacerbating the issue.

“Because I love you, Bruce.  You’re enough.”  You said, reaching over and taking his hand.  “I didn’t mean for this to happen.  Please know that.  I never meant to hurt you.”

He took the print out from your hand and traced his finger around the outside of the little blob shape that was the very starters of a baby.  “It’s not that I don’t want kids.”  He said.  “I’m just scared.  I’m scared of what could happen to you carrying my baby.  I’m scared of what my genes will curse them to be.  I’m scared of the Hulk hurting them.  I’m scared I will hurt them.  I didn’t - the Hulk didn’t come out because I was angry at you.  He came because I was terrified and he thought I was in danger and then I just couldn’t quite get control again.”

“What about you, Bruce?  If there were no risks, it was just you and me and I was pregnant.  What would you want?”  You asked.

He took a breath and his brown eyes met yours.  “I’d still be scared.  What my dad did to me… I don’t think I’m ever going to not carry that with me.  If I turned out like him.” He shook his head and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.  “It was hearing that heartbeat that bought me back though.  Hulk didn’t want to give me back but I heard it and needed to see my baby.  I would do this if there weren’t all the other things.”

You tightened your fingers around his hand.  “So we’ll do this?”

“What about the Hulk?”  He asked.

You stroked the back of his hand with your thumb.  “Bruce, while you were gone he took care of me.  He wants this. I don’t think he’d hurt a child and I don’t think you would either.”

He dropped his gaze to the picture again.  “If it comes down to your life or - or…”  - he gestured vaguely to your stomach - “It has to be yours.”

You took a shuddering breath and rubbed a hand over your stomach, Bruce put his hand on yours and even though you didn’t think there were any more tears to shed left in you, you started to cry again.  It was awful to think about.  Getting to the point that you were excited and looking forward to having a baby only to then have to make that choice.

He wrapped his arms around you and held you against him.  “I can’t lose you,”  He whispered.

You nodded your head.  “And what if they have your… condition but aren’t a risk to me?”

He sighed.  “I don’t know.”

There was a silence between you as he held you and stroked your hair.  “I’ve lived through a lot of things now, but becoming this thing was the worse thing that ever happened to me.  I tried to kill myself.  I put a gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger and the Hulk spat it out.  The thought of passing it on …”  He shook his head.

“What if it’s different for them?  What if for them they get on with their other side?  Or what if that’s different for you and for them going green just makes them bigger?”  You asked.

“And what if it’s the same?”

You sat in silence again.  You kept your head against his chest, listening to the thud of his heart as you both stroked your palms over your stomach.  “If I have an abortion and Hulk finds out that the reason why we did it was that they had their own Hulk, he’ll never forgive either of us.  You know that right?”

“I know.”

“He might even kill me.”

Bruce shook his head and took a shaky breath.  You looked up at him and a tear escaped his eye and ran down his nose.  “No, he won’t.  Not you.  He’d leave though, and I don’t think I’d be able to get control again.”

Thud-thud, thud-thud, thud-thud.  Even as emotional as he was now he managed to keep his pulse at a slow steady rhythm.

“Do you still wish you were dead?”  You asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

“No.  I’ve managed to carve something out for myself.  The Avengers.  Science.  You.  I’m happy for the most part.”

“So maybe… maybe… they can be happy too, even with that.  Maybe between you, me and the Hulk we can raise a baby with that condition.”

Bruce chuckled softly.  “Hulking out of his diapers.”

“Terrible twos would take on a whole new meaning.”

He kissed the top of your head and just kept his lips pressed there, breathing you in.  “I’m sorry I’ve ruined this for you.  It should be good news.”  He said, his voice cracking at the end.

“You didn’t do this to me.”  You said, rubbing your cheek against his chest.  “It happened.  Now we deal with it.”

He nodded and nuzzled into your cheek.  “I - I love you.  You know that don’t you?”

You sniffed and nodded your head.  “I love you too.”

He leaned down and kissed you.  His lips were wet from the tears and yours dry from your dehydration.  You craved the touch.  Missed it while it was gone.  You deepened it, your hands going to his hair and carding through it.  He let out a strangled moan against your lips and his hands circled around your waist pulling you tighter to him.

“Is it safe?”  He asked, pulling back slightly and looking down at you.

You nodded and his mouth crashed back into yours.  It was desperate and frantic.  You both needed it desperately.  You needed to reconnect.  To forgive each other.  To just be without the stress and pain.

You stood, not breaking the kiss and worked your pants down and off as Bruce unfastened his fly and pulled out his cock.  He yanked you down into his lap and you began to rock against him.  His shaft slid up and down your folds creating a delicious friction against your clit.  Bruce let out a strangled moan against your mouth and his hands tightened in your hair.

“Oh god.  I need you.  I need you, darling.”  He pleaded.  His lips dragged along your jaw and he nipped at the shell of your ear.  It sent a shiver down your spine that blended into the heat that spread out from your cunt.

You took his cock in your hand and slowly eased him inside you.  He groaned low and deep and pulled you tightly against him kissing your throat and rutting up into you.  Your finger carded through his hair and you swirled your hips, letting your head fall back.

You had missed this.  Him.  Just the two of you and no real worries outside of the next mission and what to have for dinner.

You moved as one, bringing each other closer and closer to the edge.  As you felt your orgasm nearing your brought your fingers to your clit and began to run to rub small circles on it.

Your body bucked suddenly and your orgasm shuddered through you.  Bruce keened, his head falling back as your cunt clenched around his cock.  With a hard snap of his hips up into you, he came.

You relaxed against him, burying your face against his neck and just keeping his cock inside you as it stilled and began to soften.

“We’ll be okay, won’t we?”  You whispered.

He didn’t answer for a moment and you just listened to the sound of his breathing, slow and deep as his body calmed.  “I think so.  We’ve been through harder things than this.”

You felt some tension release from your shoulders as you let yourself believe him.


	5. Chapter 5

“There’s no signs of radiation?”

He’d asked the question a few times now.  It was like a nervous tick at this point.  You were with all three of your specialists this time as they went through the results of the tests with you and Bruce.  Doctor Singh was the expert in radiation on cells.  She nodded again.  If she was getting frustrated you couldn’t tell.

“That’s right.  The levels are all normal.”  She repeated again.

“But you can’t tell if there are abnormal cells yet?”  He asked.

“I’m afraid not, Doctor Banner.  It’s just too soon.  It will be another four weeks before we can do any tests that will pick anything like that up.”  She said.

Bruce twisted his hands together and looked over at you.  “Everything looks okay so far though?”

“That’s right.  It’s very very early and we can’t tell much but so far healthy mom, healthy baby.” Bronwyn replied.  “How about you, Doctor Banner?  Would you like something for the anxiety?”

Bruce shook his head.  “The other guy reacts badly to mood stabilizers and if he takes over they’ll just get flushed out too fast and who knows when I’ll get back in control again.”

“Right, well it’s important you find something to do to relax.  Stress is bad for everyone, but if you want a healthy baby, it needs to be eliminated as much as possible.”  Bronwyn explained.

“Right.  Right.  Yes.  I - I have an appointment with a therapist today and I have meditation techniques.  It’s just…”

“I understand, Doctor Banner.  There are a lot of concerns here.  We will do everything in our power to waylay them.  You need to do what you can to make home life as relaxed and easy as possible or nothing we do will matter.”

Bruce let out a breath and nodded.

“We’d like to see you again in two weeks.  We’ll do some follow up blood tests and check the growth and development of the fetus.  Until then, try and relax.  Go about your day to day as you would.  Minus the combat I suppose.  Make sure you’re taking your vitamins and eating well.”  Bronwyn said.

“Will do,”  You replied getting up and taking Bruce’s hand.  “We’ll see you in a couple of weeks.”

“Remember if you have any concerns in the meantime, anything doesn’t feel right, call us right away.”  She said.

You agreed and headed out the door with Bruce.  “One worry down.  No radiation poisoning.”

He lifted your hand to his lips and kisses the back of your fingers.  “Only a million more to go.”

“Bruce…”  You sighed.

“I know.  I’m sorry.  I’ll try and be better.”  He said.  “Let’s go home and I’ll make you lunch.”

You laughed.  “You?  You’re going to make lunch?”

He chuckled with you.  “I can grill cheese just fine.”

You followed him down to your apartment and perched yourself on one of the kitchen stools as he went about making lunch.  You ran your hand over your stomach in an almost absent-minded way.  “Do you want it to be a girl or a boy?”  You asked.

He looked up at you and smiled softly.  “Is it cliché to say that I just want them to be healthy.   Because really, I just want them to be healthy.”

You nodded.  “Yeah.  I guess that’s fair.  Is it strange that I already think of them as a girl?  Like it’s not that I’d prefer a girl.  Or that I think that having a girl means a certain thing.  I mean look at me, I’m an Avenger.  I hardly conform to feminine stereotypes.  It’s just… I think about you as a parent and you have a daughter.”

Bruce chuckled.  “I don’t think that’s weird at all.  I guess if you put it like that maybe I do too.  I am a little worried that the reason I think that is because when I think about sons I see me getting thrown down stairs.  So a daughter feels safe.  I have to keep telling myself I’m not my father.”

You came up behind him and hugged him from behind.  “Yes, you do need to tell yourself that.  Because you are not him.  He doesn’t get to control your life anymore, Bruce.  He’s dead.  He was the monster in your life and you killed him.”

He turned in your arms and hid his head in your chest his arms circling you and his hands gripping your back.  “Doesn’t that just prove I am as bad as him.  That I can’t control my emotions at all?”

You gently stroked his hair.  “I know you better than anyone, Bruce.  I have seen you in the most high-pressure situations with people who have hurt you and your friends and you have kept your cool.  You aren’t him.  You have cast him off and you are free of him.  I know -”  You took a breath to steady yourself but when you spoke there was still a tremble to your voice.  “I know there are still things that could mean we don’t get to have this baby.  If we do though, I know you will be a good dad.  I know you will.  You are the best person I know.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment and just held you before he pulled back and looked into your eyes, his hands running over your stomach.  “I have you.  You’re going to be great at this, so I’ll just follow your lead.”

You put your hands on his and smile at him.   “Yeah.  We’re a team.”

He leaned in and kissed you gently.  “Yes.  We are.”  His fingers still gently stroked over your stomach and you wondered what he was thinking.  This didn’t seem to be an overthinking everything moment.  Though who could say really?   He’d have nothing but overthinking moments since he’d come back from his extended Hulk out.

This did seem different though.  He eyes were soft and slightly unfocused and he seemed almost wistful.

“Penny for your thoughts, Doctor Banner.”  You said tugging on his collar.

He smiled sheepishly and shook his head a faint blush reaching his cheeks.  “I was just thinking of names.  I never really thought about baby names before.”  He said, his eyes dropping down to your stomach.  “If it’s a girl, maybe we could name her Rebecca.  That was my mother’s name.”

You rested your forehead against his.  “I’ve tried not to think about it.  I’m - I’m worried about getting attached.  In case…”

Bruce’s eyes met yours and the little hopeful spark seemed to dull.  “Right of course.  I’m sorry.”

You smiled softly.  “If we have a girl.  We can name her Rebecca.  It’s a nice name.  It’s a nice way to honor her.”

He smiled.  “I don’t remember her that well, I was really young.  But I know she loved me and tried to protect me.”

“Rebecca.”  You said.  He smiled and brought his lips to yours and for the first time since the test turned positive, you allowed yourself to be actually excited about this pregnancy.


	6. Chapter 6

You wondered how much pain Bruce could handle before the Hulk took over for him.  The almost vice-like grip you had on his hand had to be testing the boundaries of that pain threshold.  You’d open your eyes to look and see if he was showing any green the only problem was you were freaking out and you didn’t want to see anything.

They’d given you the local and that was just a prick.  No big deal.  You broke ribs regularly.  You could handle that.  Then they’d brought out the needle for the amnio and it was suddenly like you had forgotten that you were, in fact, a highly skilled field agent who kept up with both Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton, and you were just a scared little girl who was afraid of needles.

So you sat, with your eyes squeezed closed, squeezing the hell out of Bruce’s hand as the doctor shoved a giant needle into your stomach to collect some of the amniotic fluid.  “Can you see them?”  You asked.

Bruce lifted your hand to his lips and kissed the back of it.  “Yeah, honey.  I can see them.  They’re looking more like a baby and less like a peanut now.  Would you like to try opening your eyes and looking?”

His voice was surprisingly gentle and calm considering how highly strung he had been about the whole pregnancy.  It did make sense in a way, he was at home with medical procedures and his happy place was science.  This probably put some order to the chaotic system that caused you to get pregnant in the first place.

Still, you shook your head.  You were scared of seeing the needle in the ultrasound.  What if it made you flinch and you ended up making the needle go off course?  You didn’t want to think about the list of horrible negative outcomes that could end in.

“They’re being careful?”  You asked.

He and the doctor chucked.  “Yes, she is being very careful.”

The procedure didn’t take very long.  Soon she was pulling the needle out and putting a bandage over the puncture.  “Okay.  We’re going to wheel you into one of the recovery rooms.”  She said.  “We need to monitor both of you for an hour or so.”

Bruce followed with you as they wheeled you out, still attached to the various monitors.  When they settled you in, he sat down beside you and took your hand again.

“It went okay?”  You asked.

“It went fine.  They’re the best of the best, honey.”   He said.  “Now we just have to take care of you two.  Make sure you heal and the baby is all safe and sound in there.  Hopefully, it won’t take long to get the results.”

You let out a breath.  The not getting your hopes up thing was rough.  This baby had half his DNA, you couldn’t see that there would be any way it was completely unaffected by the damage he caused it.  You just wished he didn’t care.  You knew why he did, but you loved him, Hulk and all.  It didn’t matter to you.

“I like getting to see the baby.  It’s funny to think right now it’s only three and a half inches long.  It did look much more like an actual baby.”  He said as he ran his thumb over the back of your hand.

“I wish I wasn’t such a chicken.  I wanted to see it too.”

He leaned over and pressed a kiss to your forehead.  “You’re not a chicken.  You’re my big brave agent girlfriend.  Everyone has their things.  Bucky doesn’t like medical procedures either.”

“Really?”  You asked trying to picture the Bucky Barnes you knew scared of anything.  “But… he’s the Winter Soldier.”

Bruce nodded.  “Well, exactly.  He was experimented on against his will.”  Bruce said.  “Things like that leave scars.”

“Right,”  You said as you worried your lip.  “But I don’t have anything like that to explain it.”

“Big needles are scary.  That’s enough.  You’ll get to see them next time.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.”  You said with a frown.  The truth was, that if these tests came back and this baby’s genes were damaged by the gamma radiation, there might not be a ‘next time’.  You had chickened out on what could be the very last chance you had to see your baby.

“Hey, it’s okay,”  Bruce said, seeming to pick up on your distress.  “We’ll work this out.  I promise.”

You nodded and closed your eyes, listening to the sound of the heart rate monitor beeping to let you know everything was okay.

* * *

Your recovery had gone fine and after a couple of days, you were up and about again.  Because everything was working on a rush, it only really took that recovery period before you were upstairs with the medical team telling you what they had found out.

“So the tests were maybe not as conclusive as we had hoped,”  Bronwyn explained.

“What does that mean?”  Bruce said sitting up.  “Can I see them?  I know what this stuff looks like.”

“Of course you can, but perhaps we can get Brian to explain,”  Bronwyn said.

Doctor Sanders seemed to have expected Bruce’s request because he handed him a file and brought up some data that included what seemed to be DNA sequences and cell cultures on a holographic screen in front of Bruce.  Bruce pulled his glasses out of his pocket and slipped them on.  He opened the file and began rifling through it.  His eyes flicked from the paper to the projection and back and occasionally he’d move something on the projection.

“The fetus has definitely inherited the some of the traits you were worried about.  The damage you caused to your DNA is present in some places.”  Brian explained.  Bruce flinched and zoomed in on one of the cells.  “The reason why I’m saying it’s not all bad news is, the fetus is developing normally.  It hasn’t seemed to affect development at all.  More importantly Doctor Banner, the cells do not react the same as yours do.”

Bruce looked you at the doctor with his brow furrowed.  “What do you mean, they don’t react the same way?”

“As you know, your cells, when subjected to any kind of stressor, from loud noises to impact, expand and change their structure.  These cells are stable as far as we can tell.  Certainly, nothing we have done has caused them to change the way yours do.”

Bruce furrowed his brow and looked over the data more.  “So you’re saying that either this baby is already a Hulk or won’t be one at all?”

Brian gave a small shake of his head.  “I’m not saying either thing.   The baby is size and development wise right where it should be.  I would assume if it was a Hulk it would be much bigger.  I can’t make any promises that it won’t be able to Hulk out.  The cells do have some of the same damage as yours do.  But if it can, it’s not triggered by the same thing as in you.  You won’t be having a baby that is startled Hulking out on you.”

“I’d like to take a look at the cells.  Run my own tests.”  He said.

“Certainly.  We can have some sent to your lab.”  Brian agreed.

“I understand this isn’t as conclusive as you would have liked, Doctor Banner,”  Bronwyn said.  “We are personally taking it as a good sign.  Go away.  Run your own tests.  Talk about it.  Then let us know what you want to do.”

Bruce took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes.  You felt that knot return to your stomach.  The one that had been slowly unraveling and Bruce has begun to relax.  You knew this news basically meant he was going to go back into his high anxiety mode and the two of you would talk endlessly about pros and cons.

He smiled softly and took your hand.  “Do you think we could take a look at the baby?”  He asked.

You relaxed a little and Bronwyn smiled getting up and bringing the ultrasound machine closer.  “Of course.”

She lifted your shirt and squeezed the cold gel on your stomach.  You had started to show, but only a little.  Your stomach was just that little bigger and firmer than it was before.

“I have one more question, Doctor Patrick,”  Bruce said.

Bronwyn looked up at him.  “Of course, what is it?”

“The amnio would have found out the baby’s gender, right?”

She looked back you and you nodded enthusiastically. “Yes.  I want to know.”  You agreed.

“It’s a girl.”  She said and pressed the paddle against your stomach.  “There she is.”

Bruce had been right.  She did look like a baby.  You could see the hands and feet and even fingers and toes.  The profile has a nose and you could make out the mouth.  It wasn’t just a vague mass anymore.  It looked like a baby.  Your baby.

“Our daughter,”  said Bruce.

You looked up and smiled at him, your eyes shimmering with tears.  For the first time since you told him you were pregnant, it felt like you might be on the same page.


	7. Chapter 7

Things changed a lot in the four weeks between finding out the results of your amnio and the next appointment and ultrasound.  There was still some stress.  Even though the results were generally good, there were unknowns and they played on both your fears from time to time.

You and Bruce were seeing a therapist, both together and alone.  Bruce still worried that he was going to end up like his own father.  He had no real experience with kids and he was sure he would mess this up.

Even with all that it was better.  You were actually starting to get excited about this.  You started to clear out Bruce’s study with plans to turn it into a nursery.  You got color swatches so you could decide on what to paint it.  You had started to show and Bruce would sit with you at night running his hands over the gentle swell over your stomach.

“Look what I bought,”  Bruce said coming into the room with a paper shopping bag.

You looked up at him and raised your eyebrow.  “You went shopping?”

He gave you a sheepish look and sat down beside you. “ Pepper forced me and Tony out of the lab for lunch and we passed a shop that had these in the window.  I couldn’t resist.”

You took the bag from him and pulled out a small pile of onesies.  They all seemed way too tiny and each had a science joke on it.  There was one that had ‘Particle Physics: The best things in life are subatomic’.  One that said ‘Never trust an atom, they make up everything’.  One that had three anthropomorphic flasks one of which was boiling over with one of the others telling him he was overreacting.

“I like this one.”  You said.

He blushed and rubbed the back of his head.  “Yeah, Tony did too.”  He pushed it aside and showed you the one under it that had binary code on it.  It was paired with two adult shirts that had a bunch of ones and zeros too.  “He insisted on these too.”

“Does the code mean anything?”  You asked.

“Mom, dad, kid,”  Bruce answered pointing to them each in turn.

“Oh, that is cute.”  You said holding the onesie up.  “They’re so small, Bruce.  Can you even imagine holding a person this small?”

He smiled softly and shook his head as he ran his hand along the fabric of the onesie.   “No.  I’m sure I’m gonna be a mess the first time I hold them.”

“I bet Hulk is super confident the first time he does.”  You said.

Bruce huffed out a breath.  “Oh god.  Yeah.  That’s kinda scary.  I wonder when we should introduce them?”

You curled into his side and his hand seemed to instinctively go to your stomach.  “You want them to meet?”

Bruce tapped his head.  “I hear him.  Not always.  But sometimes we talk.  He really wants this baby.  He’s excited about it.  I am scared shitless of them meeting but I think if I don’t let it happen, he’ll force my hand.  Plus if I let it happen, he should come out calm and it can be controlled.  If he rages his way out, someone could get hurt.”

You ran your hand over the back of his and kissed the corner of his jaw.  The stubble tickling your lips.  “You don’t need to worry.  He’ll be fine.  I trust him.”

He sighed.  “I know.  I still …”  He shook his head.  “You know what.  Never mind.  He’s gonna be part of her life too.  We need to make sure she’s safe with him.”

“She will be.”  You said.

Bruce smiled and pulled you a little tighter against him.  “We need to get some furniture.  We have nowhere for this.  You can’t exactly hang tiny onesies in a closet.”

You chuckled.  “I’m more worried about where she’ll sleep.  We have time though.”

He leaned down and kissed you gently.  You cupped his jaw, your thumb caressing his cheek.  You couldn’t remember the last time you had felt so comfortable and happy.  Before those two red lines appeared on the test most likely.

Things were different now.  He hadn’t just accepted that he was going to be a father.  He was looking forward to it.  He wanted to meet his daughter.

The kiss deepened as his lips parted.  You ran your tongue over the corner of his mouth and he brought his out to meet it.  His hands ran over your stomach and up under your shirt.  He massaged your breasts and you moaned loudly into the kiss.  They were still sensitive and his attention to them sent jolts traveling right through you to your cunt.

You climbed into his lap and began to grind in his lap as you kissed and began to unbutton his shirt.  He lifted you suddenly and you squeaked, unused to him taking that kind of control.  He carried you into the bedroom and lay you down on the bed crawling up over you without once breaking the kiss.

You kissed until your lips were numb.  Your bodies moved together so he was on top, and then you were and back again as you shed clothing.  When you did finally break your kiss his mouth moved lower.  Kissing your throat and then your breasts.  He pressed his teeth down on your nipples and it sent a strong current surging through you, making your drip for him.  His cock rubbed against your pussy leaking precome as it became slick with your fluids.  Still, he dragged it out.  Making you desperate and needy for him.  Your whole body buzzed in anticipation and you tried to maneuver yourself so he would slip inside you but each time you did he pulled back.

“Bruce, please.”  You begged.  “I need you.”

He chuckled.  It was like a deep reverberation in his chest that had the hint of a growl to it.  “I like when you beg for it.”

You smirked and took a breath in, looking into his eyes.  “Please, Bruce. Please put that big cock inside me.   I need it.  I need you to fuck me with it.”  You pleaded, playing it up for him.

He groaned and rolled so he was on top of you and thrust deep and hard into your cunt.  You gasped, clenching around him and digging your fingers into his shoulders.  His eyes flashed green for a second before settling back to normal and he began to thrust.  Each rut of his hips was slow and deliberate, pulling almost all the way out before snapping back into you.  You mewled arching under him.  Loving how he felt, but wanting more, needing it with every fiber of your being.

“Please, Bruce.”  You pleaded to reach behind you and gripping the headboard.

“Please, what?”

“Fuck me.  Really fuck me.”

He smiled his shy little half smile, a stark contrast to the teasing he had been doing and he brought his lips to yours.  You kissed slowly and deeply.  Both passion and love being passed between you and he began to move.

It wasn’t a hard fucking like you had begged for but it was faster and deep.  The passion of the moments matching the kiss.  You both moaned together rolling about on the bed as you made love.  That’s what it was.  Love making like you hadn’t done in a long time.  Connecting on a physical level.  Rekindling what you once had.

You switched positions so you were on top, riding him, picking up your pace but never breaking the kiss.  His hand came to your clit and he ran the tip of his index finger in tight circles over it.

Your orgasm peaked and then broke, washing through you like a wave, making you cunt squeeze and then flutter around his cock.  He broke the kiss and arched up under you, forcing himself deeper into you.  You groaned digging your fingers into his shoulders and he came, waves of hot come filling you.

You collapsed down on top of him and he wrapped his arms around you as you nuzzled into his chest, the hair tickling your cheek.

“I love you.  You know that right?”  He whispered.

You smiled and gazed up at him.  “Yeah, I know.  I’ve always known.  Even before you could say the words.  I love you too.”

“We should go shopping together.  Get some baby things.  And maternity stuff.”  He said.

You relaxed down against his chest again a feeling of real contentment washing over you.  You were going to have a family with Bruce.  Something you had come to accept wouldn’t happen.  It was exciting and you were finally truly and completely looking forward to it.


	8. Chapter 8

Things had been good.  Really good.  There was now more of an excited buzz in the apartment you shared with Bruce about the baby.  You had cleared out the spare room that was used as Bruce’s office and you were working on turning it into a nursery.  Steve Rogers had even offered to paint a mural on the wall first.  The initial sketches were already tentatively sketched on the old paint.  There was flat packed baby furniture in the living room waiting to be assembled.  Although Tony had already said he was sending it back and getting better quality, one of a kind furniture sets for his new niece or nephew.

So for the first time ever, you sat on the examination chair with Bronwyn running the Ultrasound wand over your stomach and you were excited.  Actually excited.  You couldn’t wait to see how your daughter was developing.  To hear that things were still okay.  To see for sure she was a girl.

Bruce seemed excited too.  He held your hand and his leg bounced with nerves as he watched the screen.  He was smiling and his fingers tapped against the back of your hand.  There had been a lot of discussion over the past few days about what her middle name should be.  The list had been long and full of crossed out options.

The shape of the baby came into view.  It was more a baby than you had seen so far.  The shape was right, though the head was too big.  You could even see the little nose in profile.  The limbs were all there, and the spine was clear and visible.  You looked up at Bruce and smiled, though his hand tightened in yours and he scowled.

“Have you been feeling kicks lately?”  Bronwyn asked, her tone a little more serious than normal.

You furrowed your brow and tried to think.  “I - uh - I think.  There’s been… I don’t know.”  You stuttered.  There had been flutters you were sure of it, but you couldn’t say for certain if you had felt a kick for the past few days or not.  “Why?  Is something wrong.”

Bronwyn frowned.  “I’m really sorry.  There’s no heartbeat.”  She said and pointed to the screen at the place on the babies chest where on all the previous ultrasounds there had been a little flutter.

“No… no… It can’t…”   You couldn’t get the words to form.   How could this be happening?  Why now when you and Bruce had finally gotten to the point you were both excited?  With all those times you had fought with yourself over about whether you should keep it or not.  The strain it had put on Bruce and your relationship.  How could it be over right when you both were ready?  Could the universe really be that cruel?  You felt the tears start to build but you held them back.  You didn’t want to cry.  Not here.  Not in front of Bronwyn.

She moved the wand around before taking it away.  “I’m so sorry.  I know this is a lot to take in.  Unfortunately, we are going to need to go with surgical removal.  If we try and let your body pass it naturally it will be like giving birth and there’s a chance it won’t all pass and there will be an infection.”

“Okay.”  You said on autopilot.   To be honest you weren’t even sure what she’d just said.  You just knew you had to agree to it because she was the doctor and you were now just a walking tomb.

More things happened.  You stopped being able to focus on them.  All you were really truly aware of was that you couldn’t start crying now.  You couldn’t be weak like that.  You weren’t weak.  That and Bruce’s hand in yours.  You wondered why Hulk hadn’t come out.  Shouldn’t he feel broken too?  Wasn’t this the exact kind of pain Hulk came out to protect him from?

There was talking and then Bronwyn got up and left.  You think she said goodbye but you couldn’t be sure.  You shifted on the examination chair, going to stand.

“Honey?”  Bruce said.   He sounded far off.  Like his voice was coming through static.  Then his and was on your shoulder.

You shrugged him off.   “Don’t touch me!”

“Sweetheart, please,”  His hands were on you again and you jumped up like he had burned you.

“I said don’t touch me!”  You shouted.  “Are you happy now, Bruce?  This is what you wanted, isn’t it?  This is good news for you!  Well, you don’t have to worry anymore.”

He looked up at you stunned.  His face a mask of pain.  Normally, you would want to hold him and comfort him.  Now, your own pain just clouded everything.  You wanted him to feel it too.  To know how much you hurt right now.  How this was just the culmination of months of pain finally reaching breaking point.  That this was when your Hulk came out.

“I didn’t… I - I - This isn’t…”  He stuttered.  The inability to find words was like a confirmation of guilt.  He was relieved.  This was good news for him.  He had been play acting at being happy and now he didn’t need to be the bad guy anymore and he got to have what he wanted.

“That’s what I thought.”  You snarled and strode out of the room.  You walked with purpose but without actually knowing what you were doing.  Part of you hoped he would come after you.  That maybe if he did it meant you were wrong and he was upset.  Or maybe you just wanted to yell at him again.

He didn’t though and you made your way to your apartment.  You grabbed a suitcase and started haphazardly throwing things in.  Not sure if this was a pack to leave for good or just one because you needed space right now.

You fought the suitcase closed and dragged it out of the room.  The door to the nursery was open and when you caught a glimpse of the sketches on the wall, The beginnings of what would be Dorothy, Toto, Scarecrow, Tin Woodsman and Cowardly Lion walking down the Yellow Brick Road, you collapsed to your knees and began to sob.

You sobbed with all the pain and weight you had been carrying since the day that you had gotten that positive pregnancy test.  You sobbed over how stupid you felt going forward with the pregnancy only to have it end like this anyway.  You sobbed over the loss of the daughter you already loved.  Over the relationship you were pretty sure wouldn’t survive this.  All your heartbreak and stress and feelings of helplessness came out in tears and you couldn’t stop them.  You wailed with it right there in the middle of the hallway.

There was a knock at the door and before you could even invite them in Thor had slipped inside.  “My lady, I just heard.”  You looked up, not even knowing what to say.  You had expected it to be Bruce.  You hadn’t expected Bruce to go tell everyone else your private business.  Thor moved to your side and put his arm around you.  “I am so sorry for your loss.”

“Why are you here?”  You asked.  You hadn’t meant to sound so angry.  You were angry though.  It was like your grief was being hyper-focused into a rage and you just wanted to take it out on everyone and everything.

“Banner knew you didn’t want to see him right now, but he didn’t want you to be alone.”  He said.

“Probably celebrating with Tony.”  You muttered.

“My lady, he grieves too.”

“Oh does he?”  You snapped.  “Oh does he really?  If he grieves how is it that he’s still here?  Why am I not trying to comfort the Hulk right now?”

“I do not pretend to know what brings out the Hulk.  I can promise you this was not something he wanted.  He is struggling right now.”  Thor said.  “Come, let me help you.  I shall run you a bath and make you tea.”

You let him help you to your feet.  “I think if I have a bath I’ll fall to sleep.”

“That’s okay, my lady.  I’ll stay with you.  You shall not drown under my watch.”

You looked up at the large blond and sunk into his chest.  He wrapped his arms around you and held you as you sobbed.  With a swift motion, he lifted you and carried you to the bathroom.  He set you down on the side of the tub and ran the water for you, adding one of your brightly colored bath bombs to the water.

“Do you need help, my lady?”  He asked.

You thought about it for a moment.  How odd it was for Thor to undress you and sit with you while you bathed.  You were drained though.  Physically.  Mentally.  Not to mention Thor was thousands of years old, he’d probably seen naked women before.  You nodded and he helped strip you of your clothes and lifted you into the tub.

“Let yourself grieve,”  He said sitting on the edge and stroking your hair.  “You may not have met this child, but it was still your child.”

“Now I’m its tomb.”  You said, in a raspy monotone.

“No.  You are her mother who will miss her more than anyone.  Except maybe Bruce.  Do not doubt his grief.”  Thor said.

You wanted to believe him.  You wanted to believe that Bruce could even be feeling a fraction as sorry about this as you were.  Your mind kept swinging back to how he ran when he saw the test.  It was like you were picking at a scab.  As you drifted off to sleep in the warm water, you wondered if there was any way you could recover from this.


	9. Chapter 9

Bruce hadn’t stayed away long.  He’d given you space to be mad with him overnight and the following day but he’d shown up in the morning to take you to the appointment you had for a D&C.

He looked heartbroken and in more pain than you’d ever seen him.  Like he was barely holding it together.  You wondered how he was holding himself together.  Why the Hulk hadn’t taken over and just torn the place down in his grief.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t… I know I was scared but I never wanted it to end like this.”  He said not meeting your eyes.

“I know.  I know you didn’t.”  You said shaking your head.  “I was hurt and I was angry and …”  You stopped and swallowed, wiping your eyes angrily with the balls of your hand.  “And I’ve been that way through most of this pregnancy.  You didn’t want this, Bruce.  Don’t deny it.”

“I’m not.  It’s true.  You knew that all along.”  He said.  “But I did want them in the end.  I did.  I’m not relieved.  This hurts worse than… anything I’ve been through.”

“How are we going to tell, Hulk?”  You asked, completely breaking down.  “He’s going to be so upset.”

Bruce shook his head.   “He’s been pushing.  He knows something is wrong.  He keeps asking me what it is, but I - I can’t bring myself to tell him.”  He let out a breath and shifted slightly where he stood.  “I don’t think it would be safe here anyway.”

You nodded.   “I guess you’re right.  I guess after the surgery, we can go somewhere remote.  Let him know.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt.”  He said.  “It might not be safe.”

“He wouldn’t hurt me.”  You said.  “Especially not when I’m already hurting so much.”

Bruce gave a small nod and shifted again.  He finally raised his eyes to meet yours.  “Are we going to be okay?”

“I don’t know.  I don’t want to break up.”

“Maybe we should,”  He said taking a step towards you.  “Maybe you should find someone who can give you the life you want.  Someone you can have children with.”

“I want you.”  You said softly.  “I’ve always wanted you.”

He ran his hand through his hair.  “It’s too much to ask you to do that.  Look at you.  I broke your heart.”

“You don’t get to do that, Bruce.”  You said, the tears now flowing freely.  “You don’t get to decide for me what I want.  I want a family.  With you.”

“And look what happened?  You know this is my fault.  This was whatever mutation they saw from the Gamma.  You have to know that’s true.”

“I don’t know anything.”  You said, moving to the couch and just collapsing.  “People have miscarriages.  They do.  All the time. Every day.  It’s a statistical likelihood.”

He came and sat beside you, perching himself right at the edge of the chair.  “I can’t do this again. Not on purpose.”

“Do you want a family at all?”

He ran his hands through his hair.  “Now… yes.  With you, I can see it.  It still scares me, but I was excited.   I was.   I really wanted to hold them.  To teach them about science.  I’ve never felt that way before.  I’ve never let myself feel that way before.  But it’s moot.  I still have the same fears.  They’re worse now if anything.  I don’t ever want to put you through this again.”

You put your hand on his arm.  “There are other options.”

“Like adoption?   Who’s going to approve an adoption when the parents are a SHIELD agent who risks her life every day and a guy with a rather spectacular rage problem?”

“We could try, Bruce.   We could try.  Or a sperm donor.  I don’t know.  But we can have both things if you’d let yourself.”

Bruce leaned back into the couch and you curled into him, almost out of habit than anything else.  His arm snaked around your waist and he held you against him.   “Maybe we should get some counseling.  We shouldn’t be trying for anything until we’re done processing this.”

You sighed and nodded in agreement, burying your face in his chest.

“It’s okay, my big strong Agent.  You can let yourself be weak sometimes.”   He said.

“It doesn’t feel like it.”  You sobbed.   “It feels like I’m completely falling apart.”

“Then fall.  I’m here to catch you.”  He said.

You sat together in silence, him just holding you as you cried.  He didn’t let himself.  He had trouble with expressing that kind of emotion thanks to the Hulk factor.  He didn’t run though.  He let you be the weak one and he held you.

After some time passed FRIDAY reminded you about your procedure and the two of you went upstairs.  Bruce sat with you as you changed into the surgery gown and the doctors went through what was about to happen.  They counted you off to sleep and the next thing you knew you were in tears and disorientated, unsure of what just happened or where you were.

“It’s alright, honey.  I’m here.”  Bruce said softly as he gently nudged you to lie back down.  “It’s all over.”

“It’s over?”  You said, your voice raspy and small.

He leaned over and kissed your cheek.  “I’m afraid so.”

You started crying again, the reality that just like that, there was no more pregnancy and there would be no baby, hitting you in the drugged out daze you were in.  He moved and sat up on the bed wrapping you in his arms.  “I know, honey.  I’ve got you.”  He said softly.

* * *

 

Two weeks passed where you recovered from the surgery and took the time to grieve and attempt to heal together.  It wasn’t easy, though you didn’t fight.  It was just a haze of sadness that clouded everything you did.  Normally Bruce would disappear to the lab in times like this, and you would hit the gym for hours on end.

You both opted to stay home together without even saying it.  Bruce seemed to want to take care of you.  Though he wasn’t the best-equipped person for doing it.   For a man who had been on the run for so many years, he wasn’t much of a cook.

All the feelings came out and were laid bare on the table.  How scared you had both been.  How angry at the universe.  The feelings of betrayal that you had felt when he disappeared and the complete immobilizing terror that had sent him there in the first place.  You didn’t fight about it.  You just let yourselves be honest without judgment and it helped.

There was a lot of work to do to figure out how to really heal and the direction you both wanted to take, but it was feeling like maybe, you could do it together.  He was worth the effort.

Only he was starting to look green around the edges.  The stress was getting to him and without his normal retreat to the lab, he had no way of letting it go.  The bigger problem was the Hulk.  He wanted to know what was going on.  After a lot of discussion and debate, you had agreed to go somewhere remote and Bruce would let him out so you could tell him.

Tony and Thor agreed to come with you and keep their distance.  They would extract you if necessary and keep Hulk where he couldn’t hurt anyone.  You didn’t think you’d need it, but it helped put Bruce’s mind at ease.

“I’m really not sure this is a good idea,”  Bruce said as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt.

The two of you stood in the middle of the abandoned theme park that Tony had purchased with the express intention of it being a place Hulk could smash if the need ever occurred.

“He won’t hurt me.  He’ll know I am grieving too.”  You replied.

He shucked off his pants and sighed.  “Alright, stand back.”

You took a few steps back and Bruce began breathing heavily.  He doubled over as a green tinge started to spread over his skin and his muscles twisted and contorted.  It was the Hulk who looked up at you confused and hurt, through iridescent green eyes.

“Hey, Big Guy,”  You said, approaching him.

“Hey, tough girl.”  He said looking you over.  He reached out to touch your stomach.  “Is baby okay?”

You shook your head, tears pricking your eyes.  “No, we lost her, Big Guy.  We lost the baby.”

The Hulk sunk to his knees and let out a loud, primal wail that echoed through the whole park.  A flock of birds took off into the air startled by the sound.  “We’re coming.”   Tony’s voice said, crackling through the comms.

“No.  It’s okay.”  You replied quickly and moved to Hulk.  He wrapped his large hand around you and buried his face against your stomach weeping openly.  “I’m sorry, Big Guy.  I guess I wasn’t strong enough.”

“No, tough girl.  Not your fault.”  He rumbled.  “Hulk wanted to be dad too.”

“I know.  I’m sorry.”  You sunk to your knees and hugged his head running your fingers through his hair as he cried against you.


	10. Chapter 10

_Two Years Later…  
_

Bruce paced the waiting room.  It had been a long and exhausting couple of years.  You had been through therapy.  Unpacked everything that happened.  Talked about what you really wanted out of your lives, both as two individuals and a couple.   You worked through how Hulk and the gamma-radiation actually affected the lives you wanted.

In the end, you had decided that you did love each other.  Even after all that pain and grief, it didn’t change that he was you dorky scientist and you were his badass agent and you loved each other.  You wanted a life together, even if that meant it was just the two of you.

Only you also decided you didn’t want to just be the two of you.  First up you got a dog.  You both knew having a dog wasn’t really practice for a child or a replacement.  It was, however, another being you could share your love with.  Hulk really loved it, and sometimes the two of you would take him out to the forest and let Hulk out to play with him.

Then as time went by you both settled on wanting a child too.  You wanted to be parents.

You didn’t want to go through that pain again though.  There was trauma attached to the idea of being pregnant and the potential outcomes.  You couldn’t do it.  It had taken so long to heal from it, you were sure if it happened again it would be the end of the relationship.  You tossed up doing things like sperm donors and surrogates.  None of it felt right.  Not with the world the way it was.  So, in the end, you opted on adoption.

Adoption was always hard.  There are a lot of criteria that need to be met and money that needs to be paid.  With the positions you held, money wasn’t an object (especially with Tony being so desperate to be an uncle and offering to foot the bill even if you kept arguing with him that he didn’t need to).  So in many ways, you were privileged.   A lot of agencies didn’t like the Hulk factor or the fact you had jobs that put your lives at risk though.  With the references from people like Steve and Tony and even one from a former president on top of the money you finally got one agency to take you on.  It wasn’t long after that you met a girl who was pregnant and not ready to be a mother.   She loved the idea of her baby being raised by you and Bruce.  The papers were put in and the adoption process was underway.

Now you waited in the hospital for the last of the medical check and legal work to be done so you could meet and take home your son.

“Why are they taking so long?”  Bruce asked after completing one more lap of the room.

“Will you calm down, honey?”  You said.   “You’re making me anxious.”

“I’m sorry.  I just… expecting the worst I guess.   That she’ll have changed her mind.  Or they will think I’m unfit.  Or something happened.  Plus he’s pushing on me because he wants to meet the baby.”

You smiled and stood, walking up behind him and wrapping your arms around his waist.  He relaxed a little as you rested your head against his back.  “Just a little while longer.”  You said softly.  “We got this far.  We can make it a little longer.”

He made a deep rumble sound that resonated from his chest and almost sounded like the Hulk.

The door opened and your lawyer and one of the hospital administrators stepped in and greeted you both.

“Are you ready to meet your son?”  The admin asked.

You were led to a nursery and a nurse took you in and wheeled over what looked like a little plastic with a baby swaddled in blue

“Here you are, mommy and daddy.  Here’s your little boy.”  The nurse said.

You peered down at the little boy and you somehow knew this was destiny.  This was your son.  He was always meant to be your son.

“Hello, David.”  You whispered and went to pick him up before pulling your hands back, unsure of what the rules were.

“It’s okay.  You can pick him up.”  The nurse reassured you.

You lifted the small bundle and he stirred making a small whimper that sounded like it might become something more.  You braced yourself for it as you brought the infant close to your chest and patted him as you gently swayed back and forth.  It would be just your luck if he rejected you as a mother right away.

Instead, the little boy settled and stared up at you.

“Look at you,”  Bruce whispered, coming up and wrapping an arm around you.  He rested his forehead against yours and ran his palm over David’s head.  “He knows your his mommy.”

“You think so?”  You whispered.

He smiled and kissed your brow and then David’s.  “I know it.  And I know a lot of things.  I have seven PhDs.”

You looked up at him and smiled.  There was an iridescent ring of green around the brown of his eyes and you chuckled and kissed him softly.  “God, he’s really pushing, huh?”

Bruce chuckled.  “He just called me selfish because I wouldn’t let him have a turn.”

“You don’t normally share the space like that though, do you?”  You asked.

He shook his head.  “It happens from time to time, but not usually.”

You brought David up to you face and inhaled deeply.  “Shall we take you home, little one, so you can meet the rest of your family?”

“I think it’s time.”  Bruce agreed.

You smiled and kissed him.  He was right.  This was the time for the three of you.  You were ready to be parents.

##  _~END~_


End file.
